I had a conversation with my mom this morning. She was listening to Catholic radio as usual; I don’t usually like it and I don’t usually agree with political views that are expressed on air (prolife etc).
I’d like to add a disclaimer that this wasn’t posted to disrespect my mom or anyone with differing opinions!
She mentioned that the latest controversial topic was a Blue Clues song talking about families with “two mummies” and “two daddies”. Naturally, I asked her what her thoughts were about it.
“I agree, I don’t think it’s right to teach kids that it’s normal to have two moms and two dads,” she said.
I also learned that she didn’t support gay marriage, and I could see from her point of view, but I also disagreed with her and felt that it was a human right.
While I’m glad that our discussion/debate remained civil (so I’m thankful for that), I still feel the need to also publicise my stance about topics like these so that maybe more people could think and maybe reconsider theirs (unfortunately I don’t think I’ve changed my mom’s mind).
Here are just some loose quotes that I’ve heard spoken on the radio, and my arguments against them.
1. “Two moms and two dads are not normal, a child deserves a mom and a dad so they can be raised normally”
Firstly, “normal” doesn’t always mean good. Slavery was normal. Women not being able to attain education and vote was normal.
The main priority should be to give a child the chance to grow up in a loving home. There are already plenty of regulations and requirements for a couple to adopt a child, and I think if same-sex couples are able to fulfill those requirements, they should be allowed the right and the experience to parenthood.
On top of that, the narrative that a child needs a mom and a dad to be “raised normally” excludes those who don’t or didn’t have the chance to grow up with both parents. Of course it’s ideal, but not everyone is fortunate enough to be raised by both parents. Be it a divorce, a premature death of a parent, moving away from abuse, I think it’s unfair to single parents to tell them that they have failed because they are raising a child alone. It’s unfair to children who were raised in a single-parent home by rubbing salt into their wounds saying “hey you missed out on having both parents lol”.
It needs to be recognised that parents are just trying their best and doing what they think is best for their children. Raising their children the best they can with whatever they have.
I think you can ask any person who grew up with an abusive parent, if they would rather have grown up with the parent and be raised by them, or not have them in their life as a parental figure at all, a majority would choose the latter.
Having functional reproductive organs shouldn’t be the standard and the bare minimum requirement to be parents. There are plenty of people who aren’t fit to be parents, out there fornicating and reproducing, making babies and putting them in dysfunctional and abusive homes. Horror stories of parents abusing their children to the brink of death, or even straight up murdering their children.
Yet, those people earned the title of “mother” and “father” just because someone with functional sperm cells was able to ejaculate in a vagina, and another was able to push out a baby from her coochie hole.
God forbid that two loving people who came together against all odds give a parent-less child a warm and loving home because it’s not “normal”.
In a perfect world, every child can grow up with both a mother and a father; but it isn’t a perfect world. As long as there are children in orphanages, why not give them the next best thing? Common sense would say that it would be better to let a child grow up with a loving same-sex couple than a dysfunctional and/or abusive hetero-normative couple, or even just left parent-less because of flawed belief systems.
2. “Gay marriage bastardises the holy sacrament. We let gay people exist but asking to be able to get married is TOO MUCH!“
Wholely, I feel that the Bible is outdated (mff hot take, I’m gonna get a lot of hate on this one).
There were many rules created which just don’t make sense, and now in the modern era we don’t follow. Why do we hold on to specific rules and traditions? Why do we cherry-pick bits and pieces of the Bible and hold it against people?
Divorce is a sin as well, yet it’s been normalised to the point that about 50% of marriages in the US ends in divorce.
Let me also pull up a section of an article I read cuz I’m not very well-versed when it comes to translating the original Bible!
Yes, this verse Leviticus (18:22 and 20:13) clearly condemns adulterous homosexual sex in calling it an “abomination” (to'ebah), but here some of the other things also called an “abomination” in the Bible:
- Egyptians eating with Hebrews;
- having an image of another god in your house;
- sacrificing your child to the god Molech;
- having sex with your wife when she is menstruating;
- taking your wife’s sister as a second wife; and
- eating pork.
Banned likewise is wearing mixed-fabric clothing, interbreeding animals of different species, tattoos, mocking the blind by putting obstacles in their way, and trimming your beard.
I personally believe that the New Testament was created to present a new and main message: love. So I say f*ck the rules. I live by: “you can do whatever you want as long as you don’t hurt anyone”, and I don’t see how gay marriage goes against that.
I also think it’s actually disgusting when people marry for strange, self-serving reasons other than love, like money, fame, housing (lmao BTO). I think that bastardises the meaning of marriage more than people who happen to have the same kind of reproductive organs who love each other.
The traditional idea of marriage in the Bible is to procreate, and that’s not something that a lot of married couples are focused on anymore, but I don’t see society as a whole condemning them or their choices. This also excludes couples who are infertile and cannot fulfill this traditional function of marriage.
Just… so many holes everywhere when it comes to using the Bible to fuel excuses for being homophobic.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask to be able to live life as normally as possible, to be able to experience life, love, marriage and parenthood. Taking away those experiences just because a person was born attracted to the same sex is plainly homophobic. There’s no such thing as “I don’t support it but I’m not homophobic”, you’re not kidding anyone and you’re lying to yourself. Two people loving each other and wanting to experience life together does not have any effect on YOU. If you don’t support it, then don’t do it. But it’s never simply just being unsupportive — religious communities are actively preventing gay people from living in peace.
3. “Public and Media displays of homosexuality (children’s songs about same-sex parents, same-sex couples holding hands in public) confuses children into thinking that homosexuality is normal”.
Yeah, homosexuality is normal. It’s been around for eons, and even during biblical times. It’s even found in nature between animals.
I’m sick of the narrative that homosexuality isn’t normal, and that your sexual orientation/identity is a choice. Every gay or trans person I’ve spoken to have told me that they’ve always known they were gay/trans ever since they were aware of themselves and their identity. The only difference is that they grew up without any representation, and felt that they were abnormal.
If being exposed to straight people, heteronormative couples and nuclear families in the media didn’t make them straight, then why on earth would anyone believe that being exposed to media representing gays, trans and same-sex parents “confuse” children? If anything, it helps children struggling with their identity to learn about themselves and identify themselves with people they are able to relate to.
Anyways I think I’ve made my point. I feel better after typing all of that but I’m still saddened that many are still holding on to outdated values. At times I feel like the world would be a better place if we didn’t have organized religion dividing us and instead focused on working towards LOVE and PEACE. I’m sure that if thousand year old books didn’t make up nonsensical rules that have no place for the modern world, people wouldn’t weaponize and use it against each other so much.