I feel different. It’s a good different.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been finally getting enough sleep, or because I stopped taking my contraceptive pills and it’s been better on my body, but I feel more at peace.
I was chill before, but now I truly feel like I’m a lot more patient and slow to anger. I catch myself in moments where I feel like I would normally be reactive and triggered, but instead I feel calm and collected to properly deal with anything before me.
There are a lot of things to be triggered about, especially when you spend enough time on the internet and social media. Hatred, racism, sexism and inequality are still rampant in today’s society. People are still being bullied and even worse, killed for the colour of their skin or how they identify themselves.
It’s not that I don’t care, but I truly realised that hatred cannot be defeated with more hatred. We need more patience, love and acceptance in this world. Yes, we should continue to educate, but remove our ego from the process.
I am guilty of this, especially when it comes to online debates over social matters. I think the most recent incident I could think of was when I was telling off a girl for appropriating the use of Amharic.
The context was that there was a “copypasta” where people used Amharic because of its unique script (ge’ez) making it look like it was some sort of demonic curse language. Anyways, the people who speak it (Ethiopians) were offended because of the way their language was being used.
I just remembered that I replied very condescendingly, and even though she did realise that she was wrong and apologized, I felt that I also needed to apologize for my tone because she didn’t mean any harm; she just wasn’t aware of the wrong in her actions.
At the end of the day, I realised that being in touch with your intentions are so important. Sometimes, people do spread awareness and support social causes, but with the wrong intentions and attitude. They begin condemning others for not being as good as they are, for not doing as much as they are, and it’s definitely the wrong way to go about it. It becomes about them and their ego, “Look at me, I do this and you don’t. I’m more educated than you in this topic. I’m better than you”.
My intention now is to leave the world better than when I entered it. I want to create a positive impact on everyone whose lives I’ve touched, whose paths I’ve crossed. I believe that by keeping this in mind, and putting others before me while putting myself in others’ shoes, I will be able to act accordingly to create my desired outcome.